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Jan 15, 2012

Are You All In?

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Photo by Michael Sweet

The commitments we make can define our future. Some are temporary fixtures while others loom over us for a lifetime. However, it is the failure to hold up our end of the bargain that breeds the greatest misfortune.

“Are you all in?” asked Pastor Steve. Silence fell over the room like an impromptu thunderstorm, knocking out all sound completely. He followed up his line of questioning with the testimony of a Stage 4 breast cancer victim, who sadly would never get to see her daughters grow up, or even make it to her next birthday. Yet, still she had no regrets. Her “dash,” the time in between her birth and untimely demise, had purpose: to consciously live out each moment. Upon her initial diagnosis a few years prior, she decided to be more present, even during life’s mundane moments such as washing the dishes or folding the sheets. In this presence, she found peace, fulfillment and God standing beside her.

With this newfound recognition of my mother’s mortality and that of my own, I glance over at her, sitting across from me, and staring, as if trying to permanently imprint her face in my mind for safe keeping. Her eyes are swollen with tears, mascara smeared across her left cheek. Pastor Steve then leads the congregation in a song, and the choir echoes. Feeling the Spirit, my mom shouts, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” A few short moments later her body begins to shiver, swaying rhythmically to the strumming of the guitar strings.

I look on like a bystander, who has just spotted an alien, paralyzed, not exactly sure what is taking place. Luckily I am shaken out of my trance by the beating of the drums. I reach down for my mother’s hand in hopes that her connection with God will also bestow itself upon me. I am envious; I want what she has. Where can I too get a hit of this “God juice?” It then occurs to me that to much is given, much is required, and I oftentimes lack the dedication that has afforded my mother this 10-minute Holy dance with the Divine.

For the past four years, my mother has been a loyal disciple. She lives and breathes Christianity, reading the Bible twice a day, praying every second she gets, and being slow to anger. Furthermore, she refrains from drinking any type of alcoholic beverage, a woman who was once touted for her pomegranate martinis to honor her vow to God. I, on the other hand, have avoided such long-term obligations at all cost. I’ve abandoned jobs, relationships and fitness routines in search of something better, but it never showed.

Variety doesn’t necessarily equal excitement or adventure. It can instead present a surplus of missed opportunities and neglected minutes spent in the pursuit of the chase, only to realize you’ve run out of time, and possibly family and friends. After losing four relatives in the past year, this race against time has suddenly picked up its pace.

Imagine if you only had 30 days to live.

Would you spend so much time contemplating the future or punishing yourself for past errors in judgment? Would you continue to work 60-hour-workweeks, sacrificing time with loved ones for the sake of having more material items? Or would you experience life to the fullest, sucking the sweetness out of each moment because you know your last breath is near. Though you can’t determine the time of your arrival at your final destination, you can alter the course of your path, and decide to commit everything you have to focusing on the things you can actually carry with you to your grave–building character, making an impact and creating memories. You can choose to be all in.

Photo by *Michael Sweet*

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Refined Relations ·
Jan 7, 2012

The Most Important Resolution You’ll Ever Make

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Photo by Joli Sourire

Ah, the New Year.  For most, it’s a time to reflect on the past year’s events –the lessons, the triumphs, the things we don’t care to repeat– and forge ahead with our New Year’s resolutions tucked neatly in the forefront of our minds.  Losing weight, getting organized and saving money seem to be at the top of everyone’s list.  From the time we learn to take our first steps, we’re taught to figure things out. Have a plan. Yet, the blueprint we draw up doesn’t always lead to our desired destination.

For me, every year begins the same way.  The second January 1st makes its debut, I plot and plan, taking detailed notes on the what to-do’s and what not to-do’s.  What results, of course, is a laundry list of overly ambitious goals that would make even Oprah blush. The first few weeks my enthusiasm is at an all-time high and just when it seems as if I’ve got discipline, willpower and perseverance all wrapped up in a Tiffany box, I hit a wall and never quite recover.

This year I have resolved to do things differently.  I’ve tossed all my resolutions aside and have embarked on a simpler, though more sustaining type of commitment: contentment.  This is not to say that I will kick up my heels, cancel my gym membership and confine myself to the couch.  However, my focus has shifted to the process of living –cultivating presence, nurturing relationships and learning to find God in each moment–than arriving at a particular destination.  I no longer aim to accumulate more deadlines in hopes that it will bring me happiness.  After all, peace and spiritual reverence carries its own reward.  Hence, my journey this year is about exploring Divinity in the various forms in which it presents itself and the communities it inhabits.

Is it possible to cultivate a life of devotion amid the hustle and bustle of New York, a city saturated with endless worldly pleasures, callous ambitions and cynicism, while juggling 40-plus-hours-weeks, family obligations and a social life? This is what I’m hoping to find out.

Photo by joli sourire

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Rituals that Rock ·
Dec 18, 2011

Leaving Behind a Legacy of Health

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Photo by Maven04

We all have different reasons for enduring lengthy stints on the treadmill, hitting the yoga mat, or lifting nearly half our body weight in dumbbells.  Some of us endeavor to have a beautifully-toned physique like Jennifer Aniston while others aim to simply shed those last 15 pounds. However, this approach to health is far less sustainable after the initial infatuation with achieving a certain level of fitness or body type has subsided. The human condition is unfailing and enthusiasm tends to wane once our feet have tiptoed past our destination.

Let’s face it: The lure of reaching physical perfection is enticing, even for the most highly evolved spiritual practitioner, but perhaps health breeds a bigger agenda than fitting into a size 4: leaving a legacy. There are a handful of health and fitness aficionados, who view exercise as nothing more than a means to an end – a practice to ensure longevity, so they can carry out their life’s work. Consider 84-year-old Joy Johnson featured in the November 2011 issue of Runner’s World. The 72-time marathoner will participate in her 24th straight ING New York City Marathon this month. She maintains her healthy lifestyle by eating right, running about 50 miles a week, and doing up to 150-push-ups a day.   “I’m just very lucky and blessed and do what I love Johnson told Runner’s World.  “I have to live up to my name.”

Health is a community-wide effort in which one can’t exist without the other.  “Throwing off the chains of poor health and reclaiming our full vitality is both our individual right and our collective responsibility,” writes Pilar Gerasimo in her, “A Manifesto for Thriving in a Mixed Up World.”  In short, the well-being of our communities does not rest solely on one person; it’s a joint act that will require continual commitment and a re-shifting of priorities– from the pursuit of physical beauty to the pursuit of social justice. Gerasimo also points out that when you change your health for the better, you change the lives of those around you for the better, too.

“Being strong and healthy in an unhealthy culture makes you part of an empowered minority. It gives you freedoms and opportunities that poor health and fitness prohibit. It endows you with the energy, clarity and resiliency to fully enjoy your life, and to make bigger, more meaningful contributions in anything you do,” she writes.

Despite cultural notions, the purpose of diet and exercise isn’t to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or to carve out a washboard midsection.  Instead, we are each called to touch greatness in whatever manner it arrives within us.  Whether it’s being a strong and healthy mother for your child, advocating for children in your community, or offering a smile to the cashier behind the supermarket counter, we all have a job to do–one that requires vitality, stamina and most importantly, good health.  And unlike a pair of perfectly sculpted thighs, what we will have left behind, will remain for generations to come.

Photo by Maven04

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Filed Under: Heaven & Health ·
Oct 13, 2011

Strength is the New Symbol of Beauty

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The feeling of accomplishment. Check.  The surrendering of self-doubt. Check. The expulsion of emotional and physical barriers.  Check. There are so many ways incorporating physical training into your routine makes you a stronger woman.  Aside from increased stamina and muscle definition, resilience you didn’t know you had will begin to surround your daily efforts.  However, the greatest power you can attain doesn’t require a set number of reps or lengthy stints on the treadmill.  Strength of this magnitude can only come from dedication, passion and the incessant pursuit of excellence– and in ESPN The Magazine’s third annual Body Issue,strength takes on a whole new meaning: beauty

In the issue, 22 athletes bare their souls and their bodies, revealing their philosophies on fitness, body image and maintaining a competitive edge. While there’s no shortage of ripped arms and rock hard abs, for the women featured, achieving a chiseled physique is simply a byproduct of their perseverance and commitment to their sport, not a quest for recognition.  Read on to learn how these women exhibit power.

Hope Solo

Photograph by Francesco Carrozzini/ESPN The Magazine

Bragging rights: U.S. national soccer goalkeeper and Boca Raton MagicJack; gold medalist at the 2008 Summer Olympics and Golden Glove winner at the 2011 World Cup.

On living her purpose: “Confidence goes a long way–although I still don’t buy the idea that I’m a sex symbol,” Solo told ESPN. “Sure, I’ve had marriage proposals, invitations to military balls and prom offers. But my entire purpose is to be the best, and if that exudes beauty too, that’s pretty powerful.” 

Julie Chu

Photograph by Alex Cayley/ESPN The Magazine

 Bragging Rights: USA hockey forward and silver medalist at the 2010 Winter Olympics

On training for excellence: “It’s not just about lifting hard, conditioning and practicing but what you do immediately after–getting nutritional supplements, stretching and treatment.” Chu told ESPN.

 Belen Mozo

Photograph by Jeff Riedel/ESPN The Magazine

 Bragging Rights: LPGA and European Tour rookie and four-time All-America at USC 

 On being a strong woman: “I love that my body is one piece of muscle,” Mozo told ESPN. I like that I can feel the hard work I’ve put into it. I trust my body, knowing that my knees wont’ bail on me when I swing.” 

Kelly Kulick

Photograph by Peter Hapak/ESPN The Magazine

Bragging Rights: Bowler and two-time winner of the US Women’s Open; first woman ever to win a PBA Tour event

On being an athlete: Bowlers aren’t considered to be in great shape, and I wouldn’t compare myself to a swimmer, but I spent the last three years working out to get stronger and better–and it’s all about being an athlete in your own realm,” Kulick told ESPN.

 
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Filed Under: Heaven & Health ·
Sep 9, 2011

Downward Dog Dharma

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Photo by Lululemon Athletica

“Do not rely on your body for strength, let it come from within,” my yoga teacher insisted, hovering over a student as she gently extended her hand across the student’s back to shift her body into alignment.

I wasn’t convinced. I was beginning to believe there was no more fight left in me. My uncle had just died and the guy I had been seeing for the past year decided he would no longer partake in our “pretend” relationship. He wanted out–and frankly, so did I. I wanted to jump out of my life and onto some deserted island, until my problems were as foreign as the concept of “happiness” had become.  So I resorted to the next best thing: yoga.

Thursday nights were Power Yoga with Monica. It was tortuous and seemed to go on for hours, but when I was done, I felt as if I could end world hunger, find a cure for cancer, and still be home in time to watch “Project Runway.” The moment I stepped into the yoga studio I could feel my toes cringe against the cool hardwood floors. It had been six months since I’d taken the class, and I felt like the new girl in school who had moved to six different states in three months– distant and out of place. However, the calming sounds of drums, violins and harmonicas playing in the background prompted me to come in, and like any approval addict, I accepted.

I took my first yoga class about 10 years ago. It was love and lust all rolled up into one. The sweat dripping from my forehead, the heavy breathing, and the stretching my body into submission could remedy any contorted emotional knots that had tied me up. However, much like any newfound love affair, once the newlywed period was over, my desire dwindled and before long I’d find myself making excuses: “I have to work late” or “I’m too tired.” My encounters with yoga since have been sporadic and inconsistent, but I’m now attempting to make amends.

It wasn’t until I began doing the poses that I realized the extent of the disconnection from body; how much of me I needed to regain. The fluidity of my once graceful asanas has become rigid and awkward, as I staggered through the Warrior and Half Moon poses. “Amateur, amateur,” my mind echoed.

Yoga seems to elude all logic; instead of turning away from the discomfort, it encourages you to lean into it and even find peace in the midst of extreme discomfort. There is only one goal: union between your body, your mind, your spirit and God. With all the other lofty ambitions that hung aimlessly in midair, this endeavor seemed to be one I could master with little effort. But perhaps that was the point: not to try so hard. Life is similar to dating a guy, if you pursue it too hard, it will run the other way and in the end, you’ll have nothing to show for it but a broken heart.

As in yoga finding your edge in life, that point where you push up against all opposition and embrace the discomfort, does not come without incessant stumbling. The process is messy and uncomfortable, and requires a continual re-shifting of priorities. However, once you are able to find peace and contentment amid the backdrop of physical, mental or emotional hell, you will achieve the only thing impervious to change: personal power.

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Filed Under: Almighty Asanas ·
Aug 15, 2011

Waiting for the American White Horse

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Life or death, right or wrong — there are choices we make for ourselves and then there are those that fate serves up on a no-win situation platter.  This was the dilemma of Wardo Mohamud Yusuf.  She had been walking for two weeks with her 1-year-old daughter on her back and her 4-year-old son alongside her when the boy’s body gave out and he collapsed. In order to ensure the survival of her remaining children, the 29-year-old Somali mother ”decided to leave him behind to his God on the road.”

As Somali parents struggle to escape drought and famine and bring their young to safety, a minor technicality has crept in the back door and stolen the lives of more than 29,000 Somali children. Up until about a week ago, non-governmental organizations (NGOs) working in parts of Somalia controlled by terrorist group, Al-Shabaab potentially faced execution for providing aid to avoid funds falling into the wrong hands. The U.S. Treasury Department’s Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) has since agreed to grant humanitarian groups the appropriate licenses, so they can begin their hunger resolution efforts. While the United States scurries to work out the details, the lives of nearly 3 million Somalis swing aimlessly in the balance.

The notion of waiting for something or someone to come to our rescue, even our “beloved” government, has grown stale, not to mention dangerous. From school lottery systems, to health care reform, to the looming economic crisis, we all seem to be waiting for that magical moment when someone will arrive on the proverbial “white horse” and save us from our woes. But perhaps there in lies the problem: We keep waiting for someone else to step up and take the lead. Instead, we must collectively rise amid the backdrop of misery and social injustice and plunge into action.

Obama hinted at the need for a united effort in his 2011 State of the Union Address, and some have accepted the challenge. I wrote a story for the East Meadow Herald earlier this year about 12-year-old Rachel Polansky, who assembled a team of family members, friends and neighbors to raise money to increase access to automated external defibrillators on youth athletic fields. Not too long ago, I came across a woman at a fundraising seminar, who handed out condoms in her community to promote safe sex.  However, I was most inspired by a 17-year-old student at Oceanside High School I interviewed.  While other teens were out partying or playing video games, she spent her time tutoring peers, teaching young girls self-esteem, and serving food at the local soup kitchen in her efforts to strengthen the Hispanic community.

These three examples demonstrate how each of us can start where we are and use the resources we have at our fingertips to make a difference. If each of us steps up for the other, a resolution can’t be far behind.

Photo by Pretty/Ugly Design

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Filed Under: Culture Catalyst, Missionary Mavens ·
Jul 6, 2011

How to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Head

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Photo by Heather Cullum

Envision this scenario: You meet a man. He’s handsome, charming, gainfully employed and attends church regularly – Mr. Good on Paper. After weeks of flirting, he finally asks you on a date for a little dining, a little dancing, and some stimulating conversation. You, of course, agree. During the date, he gently takes your hand in his, looks into your eyes, and confesses he’s looking to settle down with that one special woman. Your heart melts.

Fast-forward one month and things couldn’t be better. The two of you are spending all your time together and your heart is telling you he’s the one, so you give in to your fleshly desires. There’s just one teeny tiny issue: He failed to mention that being monogamous isn’t necessarily his forte. While he loves the idea of commitment, he can’t seem to follow through on it. And this becomes painfully apparent when you discover you’re not the only woman he’s been sleeping with.

Funny, how we seem to find out about things after the fact. After we’ve mentally planned out our wedding and picked out china patterns, or had 12 rounds of mind-blowing sex. As women, we want to believe that Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome is “the one,” so we ignore all the cues from within that tells us otherwise.

“Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

The Bible cautions us to be careful what we subject our hearts to. (I can’t count how many times I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.) We always fall short when we let our emotions–and our hormones–weigh in on whether our new beau is worthy of our heart. It takes time to form a genuine relationship; and once you give up the goods, it’s hook, line and sinker. Even if we later discover the guy is a loser, we still find ourselves craving his companionship– whether we want to or not. Before we invest too much of our time into pursuing a relationship, it’s important that we get to know a man, and this of course takes time.

Periodically, your attitude of having a mate may fluctuate between desperation and patiently waiting for God’s timing. Don’t be afraid to be real with God. Prayer is not a time to be prim and proper. The more honest you can be with Him and with yourself, the more intense your Divine connection will be. As you strengthen your relationship with God and focus on cultivating His presence in your everyday life amazing things will happen. You won’t be so consumed with chasing after love because you’ll start to become the love you seek, and you’ll experience more joy and contentment.

Now that I’m in my thirties, I still find myself swaying between being happily single and plagued by the perpetual ticking of my biological clock. However, being single is the perfect time to be about God’s business, developing your talents and realizing your life’s purpose. And who has time to wallow in loneliness when you’re out there dedicating yourself to something greater than yourself?

Photo by Heather Cullum

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Filed Under: Single-Minded Spirituality ·
Jun 21, 2011

Friend or Foe: Are You Your Own Best Friend or Worst Enemy?

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Photo by Randy Willis

We’ve all experienced acts of betrayal at one time or another. A close friend reveals your darkest, deepest secret, a co-worker steps on your heels to get a promotion, or your boyfriend confesses his heart belongs to another. But what about the ways in which we betray ourselves?

Self-loathing has popped into my life on more than one occasion. Initially, it started out with short visits: a pity party over a mishap at work that day or a week of overindulging in fast food and sweets. Then it progressed to more long-term stays. I’d mismanage my money and find myself in a financial rut for weeks on end; fail to exercise and nourish my body with enough fresh food and water; and I’d allow men of questionable character into my bed when I knew they didn’t have my best interest at heart. To say the least, self-loathing had definitely made itself comfortable in my life.

It has taken me several years to put some distance in between us and clean up my self-love act. For starters, I had to get clear about what it means to really love yourself. Self-love is more than getting a mani pedi every week or treating yourself to the latest designer handbag. While many of us say we love ourselves, if we paid closer attention to our thoughts and actions and how we treated our bodies, we’d soon realize we’re not as loving as we claim. In fact, if we did really “love ourselves,” we wouldn’t continuously experience self-doubt, sacrifice “me time” for “we time,” settle for unsatisfying jobs and relationships, criticize our body parts, and overindulge in food we know is not good for us.

I admit that the journey to self-love is no cakewalk. It takes lots of intense self-evaluation, a shot of forgiveness, a splash of personal reflection, and a twist of radical acceptance. Along my own journey to loving me, I have experienced several emotional breakthroughs. When I began getting real with myself about the reasons behind my poor choices and forgave myself for my misbehavior, my life changed. My thoughts, actions and decisions all started to shift.

So as you begin to steadily make your way to this place called self-love, be patient and don’t beat yourself up about what might seem like a lack of progress. There are going to be a lot of twists and turns–breakdowns and breakthroughs. However, the key to staying on track is believing you’re well worth the wait.

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Filed Under: Single-Minded Spirituality ·
Jun 13, 2011

Walking the Path of Transformation without Snagging Your Heel

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Many of us are living on autopilot frantically racing to the finish line to claim our prize.  But then life steps in and shows us who’s boss, wreaking havoc on our best laid plans.

You lose your job. You get passed over for a promotion. Or even worse, you become a victim of an impromptu diagnosis.  During times like these, it’s only natural you start to question your life’s path.  However, it is in these challenging periods that God calls you to wake up to who you truly are, but under one condition: you allow yourself to become broken open and grow from the experience.

This was not the plan.  At age 25, I found myself in a whirlwind of heartache and some serious soul searching.  After a year of immense suffering, my grandfather lost his battle with cancer.  I had witnessed a once active man disintegrate into skin and bones.  To make matters worse, I was entangled in a ménage a trios I couldn’t seem to escape: a soul-crushing job and a toxic beau.

 As heartbreaking as the loss of my grandfather was, it forced me to venture outside my cage. The imprisonment of mental chatter can be a tricky warden because you never know whether it’s telling the truth or not.  Yet, it pretends to be your confidant and have your best interest at heart.  I was so focused on achieving that I blocked out the sound of my inner voice that was dying to be heard, so I took a sabbatical from goal setting and list making.  Moreover, I resisted the urge to self-medicate with things like work, food and sex, exposing my wounds instead of trying to bury them. 

The practice of mindfulness can help wake us up to life’s unfolding moments.  Instead of trying to distract ourselves – with television or with work– presence allows us to revel in our feelings of discomfort and achieve clarity.  So call their bluff.  Face your negative emotions head on, and they will quickly lose their power over you.

In Buddhism, there’s this great quote that says: “You only lose what you cling to.” God uses our most devastating experiences to shape us into the leaders we are to become. We may wonder why things didn’t turn out according to plan when the culprit was not our misfortune, but our attachment to the itinerary of our journey.

Consider this: a layoff could really be a call to pursue your passion or the end of a relationship may be God’s way of clearing the path for your soul mate. So many of us squander our lives with the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, believing that if only this or that happened our lives would be better. But God has a much grander plan for our lives. All we have to do is stretch beyond life’s disappointments and follow His lead. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:16 NLT).

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Filed Under: Single-Minded Spirituality ·
May 11, 2011

Food and Faith

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Some people get high on cocaine or drink themselves into a stupor every night. I, on the other hand, have chosen food as my vice or rather it has chosen me.  Ever since I could prop my head up and hold a fork in my hand, food has been a faithful companion.  Throughout three failed relationships, two job losses, and one mini nervous breakdown, food has carried the emotional brunt when I could no longer handle the load; yet, the more I consume food, the more it casts me under its spell.

Unlike most addicts, there is no particular trigger. I eat when I’m happy. I eat when I’m sad. Most of all, I eat to satisfy the hunger that creeps into my bed late at night.  However, during the past six months food has betrayed me; my thighs, my butt, and my belly have all been witnesses.  I have gained close to 10 pounds and have been battling it out with every woman’s arch nemesis: the muffin top.  As a rebuttal, I have decided to limit my contact with food because no matter how many times I’ve tried to stuff my dilemmas down my throat, its gratification remains a habitual tease.  

In Philippians 1:29, the Bible states that to remain in the flesh, or to not practice physical discipline, only makes you more needy. The more you nosh on cupcakes, chocolate and potato chips, the more your body will crave it– and at the expense of your waistline.  Over time, I’ve come to realize that when I rely solely on willpower, I am destined to fail.  However, when I pray for God’s strength, my yearnings subside, as suggested in the Bible verse Philippians 4:13, which states: I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me.

Our eating habits have a profound impact on our mental and emotional wellness.  Two years ago, I was pushed past my breaking point; I had stumbled upon my “I don’t want to live anymore” point, and had lost all hope.  I was in an unhealthy relationship that taunted my self-esteem and eradicated my self-worth, so I took a two-day hiatus from eating.  I recalled how mentally liberated I felt after fasting for Good Friday and decided it would be my last resort. For me, fasting was the gateway to taming my fleshly desires and honing my self-discipline skills.  As a result, I relinquished my love addiction to a person who made it clear that commitment wasn’t his style.  While it didn’t happen overnight and it was still very painful to let go, I finally found the courage to untie myself.   

This weekend I’m planning to do a master cleanse and fast for 24 hours to alleviate some of my cravings for unhealthy food and rid myself of the toxins I’ve ingested this past year.  I’ll share my results in a future post.

Photo by Halifaxlight

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Filed Under: Heaven & Health ·
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